The Ridiculous Adventures of Team Two
by fkwanzaface
Summary: This a fanfiction about my friends and I living in the Naruto world. It's extremely ridiculous. You have been warned. There are appearances from real Naruto characters throughout the story. Enjoyy
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:

**I woke up on Christmas day, extremely excited to open my presents this year. I had hinted to my parents that I wanted a car, and I was anxious to see if they had gotten it for me. I ran into the living room and found just one small box under the tree with my name on it. My parents had silently entered the room behind me while I was searching the tree for some more presents. I picked up the small box and shook it. 'Hmm, there's something metal inside.' I thought**

**I opened the package and inside was a key…A CAR KEY! I squealed in delight and ran outside to the driveway to see my new car. In the driveway with a bow on it was a brand new, dark purple Honda Prius. Unlocking the door, I got inside and put the key in the ignition. The screen, which I assumed was the GPS system, lit up. The first words that popped up on the screen were "You do not own Naruto or any of its characters."**

**I put my head down and cried because I knew, deep down in my heart, that GPS systems do not lie.**

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Chapter 1: The Stoma

"Be quiet!"

"Sumimasen," Fivenari rubbed the back of her head where Kwanzamaru had just flicked her, still laughing. "I can't help it."

Tmmnata sent the two of them a glare that made all of the bunnies within a two mile radius keel over dead. He looked around to make sure the owner wasn't watching them and nodded to Fivenari. She reached her hand out and grabbed the small orange book on the shelf.

"Uh, guys…" Chriskachi spoke for the first time since they had entered the bookstore. All eyes turned to him. "I think maybe we should leave money or something…I don't feel good about just not paying for the book."

Kwanzamaru raised her eyebrows at him. "Well sure, if you want…but we just really need to get this book; I've been trying to get it forever but I'm not allowed—"

"Can I help you?"

The four genin stiffened when they heard the voice and turned their heads slowly to look at the bookstore owner; Fivenari quickly removed her hand from the book. The lady standing at the end of the row of bookshelves was perhaps the largest woman that any of them had ever seen. She had short hair that looked as though it wasn't cut in any particular style and a huge red dot in the middle of her forehead. Her right arm was half the size of the other one and drawn up to her enormous chest as if it was broken. Kwanzamaru cringed when she noticed that the hand that belonged to said arm had chipped pink nail polish on it…that's just irresponsible. The woman reached up with her little hand and rubbed her mouth when her large trapezoid-shaped mustache tickled her upper lip.

Fivenari, Chriskachi and Tmmnata (not Kwanzamaru, though, she was still grossed out by the chipped nail polish) started to gag when they noticed that the woman holding a cone of ice cream with sprinkles. '_Sprinkles?_' they all thought '_sprinkles are gross…_'

The woman brought the ice cream cone up to the large hole in her throat and with a great big breath, sucked all the sprinkles in through the hole. "Can I help you?" she repeated in an annoyed tone.

Tmmnata was the first to snap out of his reverie. "Oh...uhh...no, we were just looking around, Honya-san." After a slight bow to Chewbacca, Tmmnata grabbed his three friends and dragged them out of the bookstore.

It took a few minutes for everyone to come back to their senses. Kwanzamaru was busy checking her purple and green nail polish to make sure it was absolutely un-chipped while Chriskachi and Fivenari rubbed their throats and patted their hair.

Tmmnata was pretty sure that he was going to have a nightmare that night consisting of sprinkles, Allah, and the chocolate mint under your pillow that you always get when you stay at hotels. His other three teammates stood up and looked around.

"Well, guys, I think we should all go home now. Anko-sensei said that we're gonna have a very important mission tomorrow so we should rest." Kwanzamaru said.

"Yes," Chriskachi agreed "But she always says that we have a 'very important mission' and like 90 percent of the time, we end up like picking flowers or doing something equally useless."

"I say we go back to my house and play a game!" Fivenari said, returning to her usually loud self. "Like Twister!"

"Eh…not in the mood. How about we play Pictionary?" Kwanzamaru suggested.

"Hm…" Fivenari considered the possibility. "Rock, paper scissors?"

"Sure."

"ROCK, PAPER SCISSORS, SHOOT!"

"Aha, dobe, I win!! Paper beats rock." Kwanzamaru stuck her tongue out at Fivenari.

"I'm sure that if I threw rocks at you, paper would not provide adequate protection."

"…"

"I'll beat you home and throw Pictionary out the window, ursuratonkachi!!" And with that Fivenari took off down the street.

"I DON'T THINK SO, DOBE!!" Kwanzamaru ran as fast as she could, yelling indecipherable curses at her ridiculous cousin.

Chriskachi and Tmmnata watched the two of them run down the street like idiots before Tmmnata turned to his brother. "We should probably follow them."

Chriskachi nodded and the two of them walked calmly down the street after their teammates, still hearing their faint shouting in the distance.

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Ten minutes later, Tmmnata and Chriskachi arrived at Fivenari's front door. They put their ears up to the door to hear what was going on inside. The two of them looked at each other in confusion when they heard Fivenari and Kwanzamaru simultaneously chanting some unintelligible phrase over and over again…

Tmmnata knocked softly on the door.

"COME IN!!" They both shouted from the other side of the door.

Tmmnata and Chriskachi opened the door and walked inside to find their two teammates standing in the living room with the furniture pushed up against the wall. They were holding large pillows that seemed to 'clink' like metal when they were moved.

Chriskachi was the first to say what was on Tmmnata's mind as well. "What's in those pillows?"

"Kunais and shurikens!!" They replied in unison.

"Well what are you two doing with them?"

Kwanzamaru and Fivenari looked at each other and smiled "ULTIMATE DEATH MARCH!!!" Evil grins slowly spread onto their faces and they turned to look at Tmmnata and Chriskachi. "PILLOW FIGHT!" and they took off running toward them.

Lucky for Tmmnata and Chriskachi, they were able to dodge the pillows. They ran down the hallway of the small apartment and into Fivenari's bedroom. Tmmnata, being the last one into the room, shut the door and locked it. Inside, the walls were a light purple color and had several pictures and posters hanging on the wall. Her bed was filled with stuffed animals of so many colors, it made their heads spin.

"Did you bring all of your weapons, Chriskachi-kun?" Tmmnata suddenly asked.

"Yeah, why?" Chriskachi unstrapped his weapons pack from his leg and held it out to his brother.

Tmmnata had an evil smirk on his face; not much different from the look Fivenari and Kwanzamaru had before they attacked. "I have an idea."

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"Come out, come out, wherever you are." Kwanzamaru cooed, sneaking down the dark hallway. "I know you two are back here somewhere."

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Meanwhile, in Fivenari's room, Chriskachi and Tmmnata were hiding underneath the bed, their pillows held firmly in their grip. "Okay," Chriskachi whispered "I think they know that we're in here. So when I say, we're going to sneak out of the room and surprise attack them."

Tmmnata nodded his head in response until he realized that his brother couldn't see him in the dark and instead settled for "Un."

The two of them crawled out from underneath the bed, careful to keep their shuriken/kunai-filled pillows as silent as possible. They walked up to the door and unlocked it. Tmmnata put his ear up to the door to see if he could find out where exactly in the apartment Kwanzamaru and Fivenari were waiting.

When they finally did open the door, they saw two shadows (which could only be Fivenari and Kwanzamaru) standing directly outside of the bedroom door. "WE FOUND YOU!!" They yelled!

And with that, The Ultimate Pillow Death March (even though there was little to no marching involved) began.

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A few hours later, Tmmnata and Chriskachi returned to their own house, completely worn out and with several cuts on their bodies. Chriskachi lay down on the couch with a sigh. "GAHH! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT!? IT DIDN'T MAKE BREAKFAST AT ALL!!"

"I'm going to bed after my shower!" Tmmnata called from the other room. Chriskachi just grunted in acknowledgement.

Tmmnata turned the water up as hot as it can go and stepped inside. He picked up his light pink loofah and smothered it with his favorite Apple Blossom body wash, singing the song that had been stuck in his head all day.

"OOH MR. TODD

I'M SO HAPPY

I COULD

EAT YOU UP I REALLY COULD

YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO MR. TODD?

WHAT I DREAM

IF THE BUSINESS STAYS THIS GOOD..."

Fifteen minutes later, Tmmnata stepped out of the shower and put on his favorite Superman pajamas. He crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep within a matter of seconds…

xXx

_Tmmnata looked around him in confusion. 'A hotel?' he thought. The look of the hotel was old, as if it had been built in the 1920's or perhaps even earlier. Tmmnata looked down at a piece of paper that had magically appeared in his hand and read:_

_Room 237_

_He began reading the numbers on the doors as he passed "231, 233, 235, oh here we are! 237." 'Weird, the door is already ajar' he thought. Before Tmmnata could push the door open to see what was inside, he was distracted by something in the hallway._

_Standing at the other end were his two teammates, Fivenari and Kwanzamaru. They were wearing big, frilly, light purple dresses and looked like they had fallen straight out of the 1950's. They were holding hands and staring at Tmmnata with huge, red eyes._

"_Kwanzamaru-chan? Fivenari-chan?"_

"_Come play with us, Teme." They said simultaneously in a voice that sounded much like the whispering of the wind. _

_Before Tmmnata had time to reply, he heard the creaking of the door to room 237 open and an old (and extremely naked) woman appeared. She gave him a wicked smile and ripped off her own arm. _

"_…"_

_The woman then held her arm like a bat and proceeded to beat Tmmnata with it._

_xXx_

"Asdkfja;dklfa!!!" Tmmnata woke up, sweat staining his favorite Superman matching T-shirt.

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**That was the first chapter…**

**I think the only thing that can describe it is "Utterly ridiculous". Hope you liked it though. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Confucius say: This is second chapter**

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**Ch 2: Don't Drink OJ After Brushing Your Teeth**

_On the radio, we heard November Rain_

_That solo's really long, but it's a pretty song_

_We listened to it twice, 'cause the DJ was asleeeeep_

Kwanzamaru grabbed the kunai she kept under her pillow and stabbed the alarm clock multiple times and chucked it into the corner with the rest of her damaged clocks from past mornings. With a sigh, she sat up in bed and adjusted her Golden-Man-clan-sleeping hat. After the five-minute struggle of getting out of bed, Kwanzamaru walked into the kitchen to get her daily cup of orange juice, smiling to herself. This morning, she had remembered to drink the orange juice BEFORE she brushed her teeth—yesterday morning had been a disaster.

Turning the radio to her favorite station, Kwanzamaru sang along and danced around her bedroom as she put on her big, pretty, purple bow.

"_So she said what's the problem, baby. What's the problem? I don't know well, maybe, I'm in love (love)" _

She opened up her closet, filled with about twenty sets of the exact same outfit. True ninjas don't have time to waste on trivial things such as picking out clothes every morning. She danced her way into the bathroom and picked up the bright purple toothbrush sitting on the counter. "_Come on, come on; turn a little faster. Come on, come on; the world will follow after." _She sang (which sounded more like "a;dklfj;askdfj", with the toothbrush in her mouth).

A few minutes later, a fully dressed Kwanzamaru turned her radio off and grabbed her weapons pouch, preparing to go over to Fivenari's house before they had to go meet the rest of the team. '_Hmm_' she thought. '_I'm kind of thirsty_.' Walking over to the refrigerator, Kwanzamaru pulled out her half-empty carton of orange juice, unscrewed the top, and took a swig. The second the juice touched her tongue, Kwanzamaru's eyes flew open and the carton was thrown across the room.

"GROSS. GROSS. GROSS. GROSS (etc.)"

Damn toothpaste…

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In the house next door, Fivenari was currently throwing up her breakfast in the trash can, a puddle of orange juice on the floor next to her. '_Ugh,_' she thought. '_I had just brushed my teeth…and now I've wasted a perfectly good glass of orange juice_!' With a groan, Fivenari stood up and walked to the bathroom to brush her teeth—again.

As she unconsciously went through the motions of teeth-brushing, Fivenari's mind began to wander. Soon enough, she was dancing in a field of small, bearded men wearing paper hats. They were standing in two rows, each presenting a nice, tall, glass of orange juice. Fivenari was standing at the end of one row and standing at the end of the other was none other than Tmmnata. A sharp whistle brought her attention to Anko-sensei standing in between the rows. "Go!!" The imaginary-Anko-sensei screamed. "Tmmnata" and "Fivenari" began to race down their rows to see who could drink all of their juice the fastest. Surely, Fivenari would win; she had been village champion three years in a row…

A loud knocking on the front door shook Fivenari out of her reverie. "Coming!!" she shook her head to get the image of the orange juice race out of her head. Standing in the doorway was Kwanzamaru with an extremely exasperated look on her face, her arms crossed across her chest.

She walked around Fivenari and into the apartment without a word. Looking around, she spotted the pile—yes, pile—of orange juice on the floor next to the trash can. "Oh, you too?" Kwanzamaru turned to look at Fivenari for the first time.

"I hate the taste of orange juice right after you brush your teeth. The only thing that could be worse is if somebody cut off all of your body parts one by one and then fed them to you."

"With a spatula."

"Covered in A1 steak sauce."

"Oh, and the background music would be Banana Phone by Raffi."

"Hey, that's a good song."

"Yeah, but not to get tortured to."

"True."

Kwanzamaru flopped down on Fivenari's couch and stretched. "How much longer until we have to go meet everyone?" She asked with a yawn. Surely Anko-sensei could wait until later. It was just about nap time in Kwanzamaru's book. When she received no answer from Fivenari, Kwanzamaru looked over to where they had been standing a few seconds ago. "Fivenari? Where'd you go?"

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Somewhere else in the village, a disgruntled Tmmnata was banging on Chriskachi's bedroom door, trying to be heard over the music.

"_Oh so easily you're over me! Gone is love, it's you that ought to be!"_ Chriskachi sang loudly from the other side of the door.

Tmmnata groaned and used his ninja strength (as well as the fact that the door was unlocked) to get into the room. Chriskachi looked at him like a deer in headlights; as if Tmmnata shouldn't have been able to open the unlocked door. Chriskachi stood standing at his younger brother with the hairbrush/microphone still in his hand. He walked over to the radio and turned it off. '_Ugh, you made me miss my favorite part of the song, baka.' _he thought to himself. "Can I help you?" he asked Tmmnata casually.

"Well I was just letting you know that we only have about an hour until we have to go meet Anko-sensei and the rest of the team. So you have about twenty minutes to finish getting dressed or I'll make you drink orange juice immediately after you have brushed your teeth."

Chriskachi's eyes got big. "You wouldn't!!"

"Try me." And Tmmnata walked back out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He didn't have much time to get his morning workout done before it was time to go on their mission for the day. Tmmnata adjusted his spandex and put a sweatband around his head. While waiting for the tape to rewind in the VCR, he went to grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. When Tmmnata returned to the living room, he was greeted by Richard Simmons on the television screen, energetically moving from side to side to get 'warmed up'.

"ALRIGHT, LADIES!" R. Simmons said in his …less than manly voice. "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK??"

Tmmnata looked around to make sure nobody was watching. "YES!!!!" he shouted enthusiastically at the television screen.

"Lame." Chriskachi said, shaking his head at his little brother and walking back out of the room.

"Dammit, Niisan, where did you come from?"

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"Always wipe front to back"

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Chriskachi half-ran to his front door, mumbling something about unnecessary knocking. He walked by Tmmnata who was lying on the couch with a bottle of water firmly in his grasp, exhausted from his workout a few minutes before. Chriskachi opened the door and saw a wide-eyed Kwanzamaru standing there waving a piece of paper around. Chriskachi, having a short attention span, could only make out a few of the words she was saying.

"Fivenari…kidnapped…note…butter."

"Whoa, whoa slow down. Fivenari was kidnapped? And on your puzzle you're looking for a six letter word that you put on toast? Well you're right, it has to be butter."

"I don't know how it happened…she was standing there and I was talking to her and then I look over and she was gone. And the only thing there was this note."

Chriskachi took the note from Kwanzamaru.

_BK_

"BK?" Chriskachi looked up "What does that mean?"

"Hn…I'm not sure. It probably stands for something like…Butt Kangaroo, maybe?"

While Kwanzamaru was talking, Tmmnata had walked into the kitchen with then and read the note over Chriskachi's shoulder. "So what's going on exactly?"

"Fivenari has been kidnapped. I think we need to get Anko-sensei to help us find her."

Chriskachi and Tmmnata ran around the house, getting there things together. Not even two minutes later, the three shinobi were on their way out of the house in search of their sensei. They would save Fivenari even if it cost them ten dollars. Not much more than that, though.

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Kwanzamaru stood tapping her foot impatiently on the ground. Tmmnata and Chriskachi passed the time by telling each other knock-knock jokes. None of them were really in the mood to laugh at the moment.

"Knock knock" Tmmnata asked Chriskachi in a bored tone. They were still waiting for Anko-sensei. Though they had arrived at the usual meeting spot a little early, they expected her to already be there. It was always her who had to wait on them. How annoying…

"Who's there?"

"Repeat"

"Repeat who?"

"Who who who"

"Guys, I think I see her." Kwanzamaru pointed excitedly in the direction they had just come from a few minutes before. "Let's go out and meet her." She took a swig from her bottle of orange juice and ran out to meet her sensei.

Standing in front of them a few minutes later, Anko looked around at them as if she was trying to figure something out. "Something seems different but I can't put my finger on it." She studied each one of them closely before she finally seemed to realize what was different. "Oh, I know. Tmmnata got a haircut! It looks very nice, although I think it's a bit—"

"No, sensei. Fivenari-chan isn't with us. That's what's different. How can you not notice that? She's only the loudest person on our team." Kwanzamaru had an annoyed look on her face. All she wanted was to find her cousin—or at least to make sure she was okay. If Fivenari got hurt, who could she go to the library with? Who would help her collect rocks?

"Fivenari?" Anko looked at Kwanzamaru with her head slightly tilted to the side in question.

"Yeah…you know. Loud, loves ramen, way too hyper."

"Naruto?"

"Anyway," Chriskachi finally cut in "Kwanzamaru-chan found a note in Fivenari-chan's apartment. We think it's a clue as to her location." He snatched the piece of paper from Kwanzamaru and handed it to Anko. She looked at the paper for a few minutes before she spoke.

"BK? You mean like buttered kittens?"

"I think it has something to do with black krayons." Tmmnata spoke for the first time since Anko's arrival.

"Crayon doesn't start with a 'K' you idiot!" Chriskachi yelled. For the next few minutes the three teammates shouted random words that start with 'b' or 'k' at each other and, occasionally, some fists were thrown.

"NEVER FEAR!" Anko shouted, her fist in the air. The other three shinobi turned to look at her, their eyebrows raised. "We will go to and search for words that start with b and k until we find something that makes sense!"

"What about our mission?" Kwanzamaru asked.

"Eh..Tsunade-sama can wait. We were just going to help some guy milk his cows on a farm."

"Anko-sensei!!! I thought you said our mission today would be very important."

"I always say that. Now shut your mouth and let's go find a computer somewhere so we can rescue this 'Fivenari-chan' that you guys keep going on about."

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About half an hour later, the four of them sat in Kwanzamaru's apartment half-asleep. Anko was still on the computer looking up words that started with b. They were only halfway through. Who knew there were so many words in the English language? She was saying each word out loud to Chriskachi who were currently sitting on the couch saying "No" over and over again.

Kwanzamaru sat in the corner apparently having what Chriskachi and Tmmnata called 'Fivenari withdrawal'. They probably should have done something to help her but seeing as she was their only form of entertainment, they decided to just watch. She was sitting in the corner of the living room rocking back and forth with her thumb in her mouth. She was tapping her feet along with the music in her head and singing.

"_You can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man. No time to talk_."

"Hmm," Anko scrolled down the list some more "How about burger?"

"A burger sounds really good right now, actually." Chriskachi looked up. "Would anyone else like a burger?"

"Yayyy!!" Tmmnata exclaimed. "Let's go to Burger King." He walked over to Kwanzamaru who was still singing in the corner…

"_Whether you're a brother, or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive_"

…and he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. "Hmm…I think Kwanzamaru-chan wants chicken fries with a medium lemonade and sweet and sour sauce."

"Yeah, most likely" Chriskachi agreed. "Let's go." They all stood up and walked to the door after Anko had shut the computer off.

"This has been a complete waste of time." Anko concluded. "We'll go to Burger King, my treat, okay?"

"SCORE!" Tmmnata and Chriskachi yelled in unison.

"_Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin_'" Kwanzamaru continued in a slightly louder voice—an indication of excitement.

They all left the apartment to go to BK and have it their way.

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**So there is the end of teh chapter two. I believe it's utterly useless. I didn't have any of this planned at all. Sometimes when I sit down to type, my fingers just have a mind of their own. It was actually my right hand's idea to have Fivenari be kidnapped. So now we're spending like two chapters on that. Oh joy. **

**Reviewwwwww**


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